I can't feel my heart.
I can't feel it beating.
I feel my legs, heavy and hurting from running.
I feel my eyes, burning from staying open and crying too many tears.
I feel my breath coming in hard and going out easily. Like it doesn't want to come in at all, only leave.
I feel my throat, tight, not letting my voice out. Not letting me scream.
My whole body hurts. By this I know that I am not dead.
But my heart is still.
I hear nothing. No heartbeat.
I must have lost it. While I was fighting my deamons. While I wasn't paying attention.
Why can't I remember the moment?
The last thing I remember of it, is the last thing I heard it say before it went quiet. It said:
But I didn't let go, did I?
I think I don't understand yet
how that works,
what that means.
& now its gone
& I don't feel it
beating & I don't know
where it is.
One day, I will wake up with my heart back in my chest
& the darkness will be over & my heart
will shine again &
be new & old at the same time
& I will wonder about this strange dream,
from 'Broken' in My Heart Dead
Fiction is the lie that tells the truth ... (Neil Gaiman)