​I really loved him.
​I never found myself hating
the skin under his fingernails
​like I hated yours.

​I really loved him
​without judging right(ly) from his wrong,
without believing his worst, while knowing it
​(I never knew yours: you liar!)

​I  loved him:
being dumb, mute, sightless, faithless
​in love: being nothing,
​not like I was nothing to you.

​I loved him:
not missing what I gave,
​not hoping to learn anything,
not hating what was left.

​I really loved him
​a long time, trying not to find him,
​trying not to show myself
​exposed by you.

​I loved him
​secretly without seeking my reward
or taking my revenge
as you took yours.

​I loved him sadly,
wishing for his truth,
carrying my bloodied heart,
​believing in his goodness &
despairing of mine,
enduring my memory ...

​-

​Between you & me, I want less
​than the estranged tip of a lizard's tail,
​twitching with remembered life.